What Title?

How to even formulate the goings-on of late. I am trying to find ways to as Paul in the Bible did ‘become a tentmaker’ In realizing this so much has come over the last three months since my last update here on blogger.

I am aware that Google is frankly the search engine of the demonic and I’m aware that AI is watching what I write, post, yawn and even fart in HD sound though I feel sorry for the AI Sentient Being that has to listen to my emitted gastric juices. 😂

I am aware of the asteroid Apophis headed to Earth on April, Friday the 13, 2029. I am aware of God’s calling on my life, I am aware that there will be very soon a ‘great reveal/disclosure’ in which ‘UFO Alien life forms’ otherwise known as the fallen ones, the men of old and renown in Genisis chapter 6 that most in Christendom seem to skim over.

I am also aware of enough of the counterfeit and am gently reminded by the Lord, Hannah, my child, you are so aware that it’s consuming your emotional energy. And God gently leads me back to His Side despite my eager beaver for knowledge.🤓

Covid19 will pass and we as human society will come together in the way the God of Israel wanted us to, the way Jesus prayed and longed for that fire of His to be kindled! Oh My, Heaven’s it’s gonna be a boom in the upper room of many across the USA and worldwide who are asking ‘OK, What now God?’ And man it’s 120 days locked in homes worldwide and I am so excited in every sense! I feel like a kid on Christmas getting some spiritual gifts that were prophesied about by those of old and died in faith believing the day that we currently live in now!

What a freaking privilege! We are the men and woman ‘for such a time as this’ we are being called into our prayer closets to get real with God, ourselves, and first pray and repent from what we have been doing (myself included) and turn to Jesus, Yeshua otherwise known as the dude who has been so patiently waiting for you to say ‘Hey God so…what the hell is up with this shit?’

No really, many of my prayers are of the above nature, reverent, but no holes barred, and God gives me His answer in very jovial ways. Often times I sense a ‘Holy Spirit Shit Eating Grin’ upon His Face, and I belly laugh alongside Him.

Take Heart Reader/blogger/whoever the hell you are. God. Loves. You. Yes, you.

This Passover/Resurrection Season please pause and repent, anoint your home, apartment, yourself, your dog, cat, bird, car, your neighbor’s car, your street sign, etc. as territory belonging to the God of Israel!

No enemy of the dark side shall pass on this ground because it’s deputized on the authority of the Blood of the Lamb/Lion of the tribe of Judea of Israel! Can I get an Amen?!

I recommend you follow the CDC’s recommendations, and have a copy of Psalm 91 in your car, on your mirror when you get ready in the morning, on your fridge, by your computer, your phone, by your coffee maker in the morning etc.

When we choose to dwell and abide in the shelter of the Highest God, we will rest in the Arms of the Almighty. When we choose to say of the LORD that He is our Refuge and Fortress in whom we personally trust. It will indeed made a huge ass difference in every realm there is!

Love Yall,

Hannah ‘Busta’ Capps

Monthly Expenses

My name is Hannah I’m 36 and a half years of age and I’ve got high functioning autism.

Currently, I’m in between jobs and attending Regent University online part time this summer.

I’ve wrung myself ragged with appealing for SSI sense 2017. I’ve been fighting for my life frankly, battling depression, anxiety, inattentive ADHD and Autistic stemming related self harm.

For the first time in seven years I attempted to take my life in April 2019.

Please prayerfully consider assisting me, Thanks.

www.gofundme.com/f/1x71k6hudc

Blogging Ideas?

I haven’t gotten anywhere asking for information about blogging as a side gig. Right now things are as such that I’ve been told by many people both on line and in the real world that my ‘voice’ is something that is unique and can help other people, on the autism spectrum or not.

My question is does anyone in the WWW know how to make a living blogging? My target audience would be females with high functioning autism because frankly the information on females with HFA is dreadfully lacking. There’s more info. than 15 years ago, but there is also a lot of bogus info. from the point of view of someone without HFA who’s a female.

Looking for part time employment has been hellish, all jobs without a collage degree (I say this in my case, not in all cases because my knowledge and my strengths are at a collage level) All jobs are quota based for the most part. I’ve done everything from holding signs on weekends to cleaning toilets for families who underpay me.

I could apply for the opening at Starbucks in barns and noble, but frankly I am not good at making combinations of things in that jobs case remembering and correctly making coffee and other drinks the correct way. I’ve done many fast food jobs and have been let go for lack of speed and accuracy I’m one or the other, not both.

I’m starting school this summer to finish my bachelors degree in Theology. It’s been ten years sense I’ve been in school. I think that I’ll be a professor or student assistant at Regent University because being in an environment of higher learning is most defiantly my element.

I’m giving up the fight for SSI after three painful gut-wrenching years of fighting, I’m finished. If that means I have to have my car repossessed then so be it. I have nothing to my name save my car, computer and phone. As of now my mom and dad are paying for my car and phone and I hate that they are doing so when I want to work and pay my own way. I don’t want anyone’s charity and that is pride on my part, of which I have to humbly accept because I have no other alternatives.

The local department of rehab for disabled and vets whom are looking for jobs is just awful. You would think this being a military area that wouldn’t be the case, but I digress.

Bleh.

Any forthcoming ideas would be most appreciated in the comments or by message. Thanks.

Desperate Cry

My inner being is reaching out for help. I am so wrung out I don’t have the words to express the complex bog of emotions. I have been looking for work sense I left my prior job in April 2019 at Versatility. I’ve reached out to others for ideas on how to make an income blogging and haven’t gotten answers. I have taken side gigs, applied to numerous jobs that are quota based as most all jobs are and haven’t kept one of them for more than 90 days due to the social lack of perception and frankly the newer self harm scars that peak through even though I wear long sleeves.

I hate that cutting has become a struggle again for the first time in seven years! I cannot tell you how much I seethe at my own destructive stemming.

I have a dog walking business when people feel so inclined to hire me to walk their dogs. I clean for others when I post resumes on care dot com (have to pay 20 a month just to get a job) I am paid by the job not the hour because there again I am detailed and thorough.

I have been in the appeal process for my SSI coverage sense 2017 and I am wrung dry. After this fourth appeal in a long litany of appeals I give up. I’ve asked for help from non profit pro bono organizations locally and regionally to the tune of ‘I’m sorry we cannot assist you because the likelihood of your appeal being approved is 34 percent’ or some such other excuse. I have called senators written representatives hell even the president and not one email or snail mail answer back to a plea for help.

I am now in school again and am battling for a loan because I had a previous disablement discharge. More red tape and paper work.

I hate that my mom and dad are paying the 400 plus monthly for my car expenses and my prepaid cell phone. I want to work, I want to be a productive citizen, I want to pay taxes, I want some fucking company to hire me and to see the strengths I have to be an assist not liability to them. I am loyal to a fault, I don’t quit ever (which is why I was asked to leave my last job because I was scaring my coworkers with my depression and wounds on my arms.)

I live in an area that is mostly of young military black or other minority population, and I a white 36 year old autistic female who is conservative and a christian find myself persecuted in asking for assistance (for example at my local department of rehab for jobs.)

I was with the local department of rehab for employment for the past seven years and not once was I listened to for you see I am well spoken and so the catch 22 is ‘You can so well explain your issues and struggles so what’s the problem with you?’ Please don’t get me started on the false narrative of ‘white privilege’ because I work my fanny off and fight tooth and nail for what little I have.

I am thankful I have one side gig cleaning once a week. I am thankful I have a home, a welcome sight for sore eyes. I’m thankful that I can sleep, though often it’s because I’m too depressed to stay awake and long to fall asleep forever. I am thankful I have a church that I attend who are accepting and welcoming despite they not knowing what to say these last two years of struggle.

It takes grit and guts to live with autism, to hold down a job, to go to school to attend church to attend Torah Tuesday, to show up at a job and do a good job and be underpaid for it but none the less still go because it’s better than nothing.

I am thankful that I can pay tithe to God, though it’s not the amount I would like. I cannot give to messianic organizations as I once did because I have no money to offer, just prayers.

I want to sing on the worship team on Friday nights but struggle with stage fear not being in front of others singing for ten years. I cannot bring myself to say this to the new music leaders face because I am ashamed. I don’t want the cause of Christ become tarnished because of obvious wounds on my arms and chest.

And I could go on, for now just pray for me.

The Days to soon come

Persecution is swiftly coming to the United States unlike anything we have ever witnessed in human history. This horror show will make the holocaust look like a warm-up. Brother will rise against brother sister against sister mother-in-law against daughter-in-law. Those that are born again Christians those that are Jews or undesirables will be slaughtered. Men will be stripped of their clothes and castrated in front of their family unless they deny Jesus. Women will be raped until their insides fall out and have their breasts cut off, unless they deny Jesus. Children will be lined up on the top of schools with Chinese guards behind them asking them if they deny Christ they could be a part of the new established world government or have a bullet in the back of their skull. Parents below will watch as their child either succumbs to denying the Lord or they will watch as their child is killed right in front of them on top of a of the school building as their children’s bodies fall to the ground. Those children that do deny Jesus will be asked to ‘show their loyalty’ by shooting their parents. This is not an exaggeration, it is what is coming sooner than we realize.

Virginia

Despite what everyone hears in the news, Virginians are lovers of freedom and many are lovers of God. During this past black Friday, I was in line at Walmart just to get a few things, the line was taking forever that check out by the outdoor plants.

Conversations started between a few at different points in the line, eventually the conversation was with the last half of the line and the topic: the second amendment.

The conversation was lively but civil and many held different views. What’s surprising however, one thing that many Virginians agree on from many different walks of life, thugs, stay at home moms, working class, middle class, tattooed, strait lased, homosexual, heterosexual, red, yellow black and white. (Sounds like a song)

The thing all agreed on, do not mess with the second amendment. It’s the life blood of our country and once that freedom is gone the rest no longer apply.

Now as to how it’s expressed everyone had a differing view, but to totally get rid of it no one agreed with.

I say this despite the legislation and the governor want to sign off on: red flag laws (everyone said we shouldn’t have red flag laws) I write this to remind you that American’s are a diverse motley crew, but we all agree with the bill of rights hands down, bar none.

The leadership on both sides of the isle are being foolish not listen to the people they serve and instead are serving themselves. To do this they are in essence putting in their two weeks notice because they will be ousted by disgruntled voters.

The thing about shake up is that it gets others out of their stupor and people are now more actively engaged in what they believe in then I’ve ever seen. Most Americans, many, just want to live their life in peace but are beginning to see that they need to exercise their rights openly.

All it takes for evil to take over is for good people to do nothing. Control oil, control the country. Control food, control the people.

Yeshua and Suicide

The passing of Jarrid Wilson three days ago stings like hell. What stings even more are the lies being told by those in authority with certainty. As many of you are aware, I have depression, autism, angisity and self harm. I’m not the same woman I was 9 years ago after I graduated from Mercy Multiplied in May of 2013.


I do know this much, the enemy’s biggest cons and lies start in the mind, depression/suicide/cutting etc. doesn’t care what background you come from how old you are. It’s hard as hell fighting daily with the Lord by my side, he has been helping me work through memories that I put in the basement of my mind and marked don’t ever open.


The problem with boxes that are never opened is they do open at some point of crisis usually. I’ve been in faith based counseling for the last three months and it has helped tremendously.


Having someone listen to me, having God be the third party in the sessions I am in makes a huge difference.


God has set me free it’s a painful pruning season, and sometimes I hurt so much from the shame of memories from college and the years that I was out of my head it’s hard to look at even with God by my side.


There are days that I wanted a curtain call let’s wrap this up hannah, but God. There is a huge attack on humanity regarding the spirit of violence and suicide. I would say sense 2014 on ward I’ve seen a dramatic increase in the amount of people passing away by their own hands.


This is why we walk by faith and not by sight, for the testing season I was crying out to God in my quiet time with him, closed heavens. He was there, but I didn’t sense him.
Only this past week has it dawned on me the memories I’ve been releasing to God, one at a time, slowly at a pace that doesn’t overwhelm me or do me in. I thank God for revealing that to me. Because now I can see the lies for what they are, lies. The enemy doesn’t fight fair, and it’s a fight like it or not.


We can’t be absentee on the battlefield when Yeshua has called us to make disciples of all men and women, going to the dirty places, the hurt places, and being the feet upon the mountains that bring the Good News of Jesus.


This is ugly, this hurts, it sucks the big one, and the enemy has tried to silence me. I’m not going to shut up about God or about how He has loved on me when I can’t love on myself. He’s pulled my hands back from and away from ending my own life more times then many know.


The good news of Jesus is, He knows, He cares and damn it I’m not going to bow to depression, or suicidal ideation! Just as passionately as I’d give my life for God, that and then some He’s passionate about me living out the pages yet to be filled in the book of my life written by me, read and reread by the Ancient of Days in His courtroom library. (I’m going to be in heavens record keeping law libraries for a long time when I graduate to heaven.)