Despite what everyone hears in the news, Virginians are lovers of freedom and many are lovers of God. During this past black Friday, I was in line at Walmart just to get a few things, the line was taking forever that check out by the outdoor plants.

Conversations started between a few at different points in the line, eventually the conversation was with the last half of the line and the topic: the second amendment.

The conversation was lively but civil and many held different views. What’s surprising however, one thing that many Virginians agree on from many different walks of life, thugs, stay at home moms, working class, middle class, tattooed, strait lased, homosexual, heterosexual, red, yellow black and white. (Sounds like a song)

The thing all agreed on, do not mess with the second amendment. It’s the life blood of our country and once that freedom is gone the rest no longer apply.

Now as to how it’s expressed everyone had a differing view, but to totally get rid of it no one agreed with.

I say this despite the legislation and the governor want to sign off on: red flag laws (everyone said we shouldn’t have red flag laws) I write this to remind you that American’s are a diverse motley crew, but we all agree with the bill of rights hands down, bar none.

The leadership on both sides of the isle are being foolish not listen to the people they serve and instead are serving themselves. To do this they are in essence putting in their two weeks notice because they will be ousted by disgruntled voters.

The thing about shake up is that it gets others out of their stupor and people are now more actively engaged in what they believe in then I’ve ever seen. Most Americans, many, just want to live their life in peace but are beginning to see that they need to exercise their rights openly.

All it takes for evil to take over is for good people to do nothing. Control oil, control the country. Control food, control the people.

Yeshua and Suicide

The passing of Jarrid Wilson three days ago stings like hell. What stings even more are the lies being told by those in authority with certainty. As many of you are aware, I have depression, autism, angisity and self harm. I’m not the same woman I was 9 years ago after I graduated from Mercy Multiplied in May of 2013.

I do know this much, the enemy’s biggest cons and lies start in the mind, depression/suicide/cutting etc. doesn’t care what background you come from how old you are. It’s hard as hell fighting daily with the Lord by my side, he has been helping me work through memories that I put in the basement of my mind and marked don’t ever open.

The problem with boxes that are never opened is they do open at some point of crisis usually. I’ve been in faith based counseling for the last three months and it has helped tremendously.

Having someone listen to me, having God be the third party in the sessions I am in makes a huge difference.

God has set me free it’s a painful pruning season, and sometimes I hurt so much from the shame of memories from college and the years that I was out of my head it’s hard to look at even with God by my side.

There are days that I wanted a curtain call let’s wrap this up hannah, but God. There is a huge attack on humanity regarding the spirit of violence and suicide. I would say sense 2014 on ward I’ve seen a dramatic increase in the amount of people passing away by their own hands.

This is why we walk by faith and not by sight, for the testing season I was crying out to God in my quiet time with him, closed heavens. He was there, but I didn’t sense him.
Only this past week has it dawned on me the memories I’ve been releasing to God, one at a time, slowly at a pace that doesn’t overwhelm me or do me in. I thank God for revealing that to me. Because now I can see the lies for what they are, lies. The enemy doesn’t fight fair, and it’s a fight like it or not.

We can’t be absentee on the battlefield when Yeshua has called us to make disciples of all men and women, going to the dirty places, the hurt places, and being the feet upon the mountains that bring the Good News of Jesus.

This is ugly, this hurts, it sucks the big one, and the enemy has tried to silence me. I’m not going to shut up about God or about how He has loved on me when I can’t love on myself. He’s pulled my hands back from and away from ending my own life more times then many know.

The good news of Jesus is, He knows, He cares and damn it I’m not going to bow to depression, or suicidal ideation! Just as passionately as I’d give my life for God, that and then some He’s passionate about me living out the pages yet to be filled in the book of my life written by me, read and reread by the Ancient of Days in His courtroom library. (I’m going to be in heavens record keeping law libraries for a long time when I graduate to heaven.)

A Book

hello all, I am going to be writing a book with the subject matter being autism from a female perspective. Recently I’ve lost another job because I couldn’t make quota and I tried to take my life over this fact because of the frustration of not being able to do my job fast enough and barely reaching quota.
I’ve got poems already saved on my computer so it might be a mix of things honestly I want to write about my life thus far because I feel others could benefit from it. Also I want to make money and desperately want a job but none that suit me are available.
It’s so frustrating to be almost 36 years of age and still living at home, I want to be productive I want to have my own place but things have not lined up to accommodate such basic things.
Social situations that others take for granted are something that I’ve used my smarts my intellect to try and navigate. People see me and hear me but don’t really listen or observe beyond the top layer. I’ve had the idea of a book for my poetry but honestly I need to write about how hard life has been and how I’ve had to triple my efforts just to stay afloat and tread.
More often then not I drown and when I do is when I have a breakdown. I have tried my local Department of Rehab for people trying to get jobs and that failed spectacularly. I’ve called them again and written them but no one has returned my phone calls or emails because they I’m assuming don’t want to deal with the problem that is me and all the issues I’ve had trying to keep a job. I was a client of DARS of Hampton/Newport News for 7 years and made minimal progress to none at all.
All my hard work means nothing, it amounted to not passing the IT A plus exam after personally funding for my own test and retaking the test 7 times $200 each time I took the exam. I inturned for two years as well and learned a lot about the IT field but again have not managed to get and keep a job longer then 2 months.
In the summer of 2018 I had a contract job and I thrived while doing it. Most recently I had a job scanning documents which required a number I had to reach daily in order to keep that job. My skill set isn’t in speed and accuracy it’s one or the other.
I haven’t gotten my bachelors yet because of a bill that I made when I tried to go back to liberty university but at the time didn’t drop my classes so $3,000 for not dropping the classes in time. I’ve worked so hard with little to show for my efforts and I’m so damn sick of it.
Currently I am struggling with self harm because honestly I’ve been burning my wick at both ends for years now and self harm does temporarily relieve the stress. Am I sorry that I’m struggling yes I am, but not much else I can do about it. It’s a powerful sedative and frankly it’s keeping me from killing myself.
What’s a 30 something female to do when she’s got so much potential and has not yet encountered a chance to grow? I don’t know, perhaps you dear reader do.
-Hannah C.

The Daily Nosh

From Messianic Jewish Alliance of America
General Secretary – Joel Chernoff

July 17, 2019

These things I have spoken to you, so that in Me you may have shalom (peace). In the world you will have trouble, but take heart! I have come to overcome the world!” (TLV) John 16: 33

Nosh: Even as a submitted and committed believer in Yeshua, life is filled with trouble, tribulation and challenges both great and small. Yeshua says, the difference is that we are not on our own. He is our supernatural partner in overcoming those difficulties. When I reflect on my life, I am eternally grateful for this partnership. Frankly, I can’t imagine living and navigating my life without Him. He truly is the ultimate difference maker.

The Daily Nosh

From Messianic Jewish Alliance of America
General Secretary – Joel Chernoff

July 14, 2019

You are to raise the Tabernacle according to the plan which you were shown on the mountain. (TLV) Exodus 26:30

Nosh: God is organized, ordered and always has a plan. Even as He instructed Moses to follow His plan for the Tabernacle, God has a plan for our lives. For best results in life our goal should be to seek out, know and execute that plan. He is more than willing to share it with us…if we humble ourselves and ask.

Hello again sweat app ladies! 👋 I’m wondering if anyone here has autism? I’m a female with autism and it’s honestly been a hard row so far.

I had a job recently and that wasn’t fit for me and I attempted to take my life by swallowing too many pills it was the first time I’ve tried to kill myself in 14 years.

I worked very hard and I’m still working hard to either succeed academically or two succeed in a professional field. The sweat up has helped me get back into a fitness routine and has helped my mood slightly.

I’m on new antidepressants I have PCOS cysts on my ovaries I’ve been on a low-dose birth-control for 10 years and counting it’s taken a while to reach the size gold I’m at right now my goal is about 170 160 pounds for five foot eight and a half. I’m currently in the mid 180s I was 260 pounds two years ago. Weight loss surgery plus lifestyle changes helped my weight move in a slow down tick.

There’s not many girls who are autistic on the higher end, or they are under diagnosed. Girls turn inward boys display signs outwardly, hence why more males are diagnosed.

I’m 35 years old and feel very tired and alone. I’ve spent seven years with my local community service boards and departments of rehabilitation for employment. It’s been frustrating because I physically don’t appear to have a disablement because I’ve had to work 10 times as hard as my Nuro typical female counterparts I have been placed in about two jobs in the seven years that I have spent through the department that I used to work with for people that are disabled and was placed in positions of employment that were not adapt to my strengths.

Getting out of bed in the mornings is a struggle, just shooting a line out there to see if there any other females here on the Sweat app that have been diagnosed on the autism spectrum.

I’ve recently been struggling with cutting myself again for the first time in seven years. 😞 it’s been an uphill climb for my entire life and honestly daily I’m struggling just to live, my will to continue to live is on a razors edge. I wish I could just snap out of my depression.

Swear app has helped some getting back into a life routine. Still I’m walking wounded, and not many people can relate.